One day you're gonna thank me...

...for all the fun we've had.

Writer's Block: Banking on My Phone

Do you use your bank's smartphone or cell phone app? Why or why not?

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No, because I have a cell phone for one reason: to call people in emergencies. It doesn't text or have a touch screen. It has buttons.

Writer's Block: Fall Fashion

What's your favorite trick for freshening up your wardrobe?

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I don't have a lot of money, but I don't go out much either. So each season, I just buy a couple of pieces that I can mix and match or dress up and down.

Since I only have a few outfits each season, they usually get thrown out at the end of that season. I wear the hell out of them, and they aren't in good enough shape to keep for another year.

So I guess freshening up my wardrobe = buying all new stuff.

Writer's Block: A show for all seasons

Which returning TV show are you most excited to see again? Which shows from last season are you going to miss? Are there any new shows that look promising?

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Well I have 3 favorites that have been my faves for years:

Criminal Minds: Used to LOVE this show, but since they fired JJ for this season, and are firing Prentiss NEXT season, I seriously don't want to watch it anymore.
CSI LV: Hasn't been good since Grisom and Warrick left (and died). Also, Sara has always been my least favorite character on the show.... and they keep bringing her back!! She leaves and I get happy and then BAM! in the credits "Guest starring Jorja Fox". Guess what, it's not a guest spot if she is in half the fucking episodes!
CSI NY: WTF Stella won't be on the show anymore!! So there goes my hopes of her and Mac getting together. Plus I always loved looking at her stylish wardrobe and beautiful hair. Maybe now Adam will be out in the field some. To the writers: Please kill off Lindsay. I hate her.

House: Missed a whole season because of my stupid work schedule! But since I am unemployed, I get to catch up!
Burn Notice: Won't be back until January, but I am super excited. I hope Fiona gains some weight and untans a little bit and stops doing whatever she is doing to her lips.
Royal Pains: Also won't be back until January, and I can't WAIT!! OMG when Boris told Hank and Evan that their Dad was an informant... AGGHH!! And is Divya gonna marry Raj and go to London? Is she gonna stay with the white guy?! Divya is so beautiful, I love her! To the writers: Please kill off Jill Casey. I hate her. She serves no purpose other than confusing Hank and giving exasperated sighs and annoying little eyerolls. Make it interesting and have it be the one case that Hank can't solve. Oh, and don't bring back Emily. She's a bitch.
I will also watch Covert Affairs next season to see if I like it. I watched the all day marathon the day of the season finale, and I rather liked it.

Writer's Block: Fashion trend of the summer

Which summer trend sent you running to the shops? Which trends are already tired?

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I am tired of skinny jeans. Or rather, I am tired of skinny jeans on not skinny people. I'm not making fun of anyone being fat, but skinny jeans are for a specific body type. Skinny and straight. If you have ANY kind of curves going on, they make your hips look about a mile wide. And please, if you are spilling out of the tops, get a bigger size or a different cut of jeans.
I'm also sick of those ugly ass gladiator sandals. They were ugly when celebrities wore them, and they are even UGLIER now that they are Wal-Mart and Deb knockoffs. And stop wearing them with skinny jeans! Not only do your hips look huge, but now your legs look short and dumpy because you wore them with a pair of flats.

People need to learn that not all styles and trends work with all body types.

Writer's Block: Technology difference between us

How do your kids use technology differently than you do? What's the biggest difference?

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EVERYTHING is different. I used to look forward to going to a music store and buying TAPES to listen to on my WALKMAN and hope the batteries didn't die! Now I download music for my kids, and it gets put right on a cute little Mp3 player!

I was totally mystified watching my kids play MarioKart on the Wii with other people, connected by WiFi. I'm not even that old (27), but it was such a "What the hell...?" moment for me! I used to have to play against the COMPUTER, because my sister didn't like games as much as I did.

The biggest "Wow, technology" thing happened last month. We had a really really horrible storm, that knocked out a LOT of power in our city. People were left without power for 13-48 hours. It was hot and boring, and we sat in the living room looking at each other.

Well, there's a teenager on our street that plays the drums. You can rarely hear it because we always have TVs, music, computers, a/c, etc on. As we sat in the living room doing nothing, we heard the drums. My oldest stood up and said, "How come they have power and we don't?". I told him, "Uh, they don't have power either, why do you think they do?".

He told me!!: "Well I can hear him playing Rock Band"!
You know shit has changed when your child hears a DRUM and their first thought is of a video game!

I just looked at him and said, "Wow... no that's a REAL LIVE drum".

Kids these days!

Writer's Block: Fear

What is your greatest fear? Do you think you'll ever overcome it?

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Stingrays. I know it's totally stupid, but I had an ~experience, okay.

I will tell you.

When I was about 13, my family started vacationing in the Outer Banks, NC. It's a lot different from the beach by me in NJ. The water was clearer and warmer. NJ ocean is just brown.

Well one day, I was looking for seashells in the water. I was up to my waist, and I was looking down at the sea floor, that's how clear the water was. All of a sudden, a little to the left of my foot, I saw something drifting towards me. I stared at it for a second, and then I was like, "OMFG it's a stingray!"

So I what did I do? I fucking ran.

As well as I could run when I was in water. I had that slow-motion thing going on, since I was so deep in the water. I got out and ran to my parents who were like... "Yeah? And...?", even though I was OBVIOUSLY traumatized! I didn't go past my ankles the rest of that trip.

I wasn't even scared of being stung. As a matter of fact, it was like the farthest thing from my mind! It was just so HORRIFYING looking, the way it floated towards me all creepy-like. And before this trip, I had never even given stingrays a second thought. They didn't scare me until it was coming at me.

The weird part is, this has TOTALLY given me an ocean phobia to go along with it. My sister and I used to swim WAY out there, not scared at all. We used to get snapped by crabs in NJ all the time, and we didn't care. Hell, there's tons of jellyfish in NC and they didn't scare me either. But that damn stingray. That experience got me thinking, "Well, what the fuck else is out there". And that was the end of the ocean and I. Every year we would go back there, and every year I was too scared to go back in very far.

One year (and I was in my 20s too), my sister and I decided to try and go in the ocean in NC again. But our dumbasses went and bought water shoes (LOL on adults) because we were too scared to put out feet on the ocean floor. And they were so dumb looking. Neon pink and purple with white hibiscus on them. We were embarrassed, as there was KIDS out there barefoot, but we didn't care!

Another weird thing is, I can't go in ANY body of water without thinking of stingrays. I end up having an anxiety attack and end up running out. I'm talking pools.. even though there can't be one in there, my mind won't stop thinking about it. I freak myself out. Even bath tubs. If there's a washcloth floating in the bath, I have to pull it out because I literally get goosebumps because it moves like a stingray. Weird right?

I laugh at all these people who say "Snakes! Spiders". You don't know ~real fear okay. Because somewhere out in the Atlantic Ocean is a stingray that's waiting for me to get brave and get back in the water. It's been 15 years but I know it's still out there waiting for me.

Writer's Block: Orlando lives again!

If you could become one person--alive,dead or fictional--for one month, who would it be, and why?

First question listed was submitted by ultra_vi0let. (Follow-up questions, if any, may have been added by LiveJournal.)

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I would be Britney Spears.

I have a list of things that, when I see her, I know I could fix.

1. Immediately call Ken Paves and have him fix my hair. We would become BFFs, so he would be there from the beginning (when I am practically bald), till the end, when I had nice healthy hair again. He would also stop me from making future hair mistakes. I will also buy several brushes to prevent her from leaving the house with that messy knot on the top of her head.

2. Go clothes shopping. I would only buy clothes in my size that fit nicely. Maybe buy two (or ten) of each piece, so that way when she inevitably stains something, she will not feel obligated to wear it out of the house again.

3. Go bra shopping. This is separate from #2, because this is important enough to get its own attention. I will buy tons of bras. TONS. In her correct size. Pretty ones, so she will still want to wear them once I leave her body (or however I became her for the month). I will wear a bra EVERY single day, so she will be conditioned to do it. We will no longer see paparazzi photos of her nipples.

4. I will be going through her closet, to get rid of ANY fashion mistakes I see in there. No matter how old they are. Those shorts cut off so high you can see the pockets? Gone. Those cowboy boots she used to wear EVERY SINGLE day? I'm sure they're in a box somewhere in her closet...Bye-Bye. I BETTER not find any trucker hats in the back somewhere. MAYBE keep the pink wig, to remind her what happens if she goes off her meds and doesn't listen to her Dad.

5. Get my eyebrows done, because something is not quite right there.

6. Get dance lessons. Even though she's better than she was before, I am not quite satisfied. Unless she is not dancing because of the knee injury that caused her to cancel the Onyx Hotel Tour. Then she'd be off the hook.

7. Teach her to chew gum properly. And then hook up with Miley Cyrus and teach her too.

8. GET FELICIA AND HER OLD BODYGUARDS BACK. This needs to happen. I don't even have to explain.

9. Become friends with the Rossdales. I think Kingston and Zuma would make good friends for Britney's sons.

10. Last but not least, I would collaborate with Lady Gaga. This is not done to benefit Britney in any way, I just want them to have a song together.

Writer's Block: Supersize me

Have you ever boycotted a company or product? If so, what was it, and what caused you to boycott it?

First question listed was submitted by meatina. (Follow-up questions, if any, may have been added by LiveJournal.)

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Not even so much because they run other companies into the ground.

The "EMPLOYEES"!! Oh. My. God.

The Wal-Mart near me hires the scum of the Earth, I swear.

First of all, there's no Wal-Mart dress code I guess? All they HAVE to wear is a vest, and then it doesn't appear to matter what they wear under that. Guy have their pants hanging down past their ass cheeks, and big girls wearing tight shirts. It looks so unprofessional. And of COURSE since the guys have their pants so low, they do that, "I-have-to-walk-like-this-so-my-pants-don't-fall" swagger.

And can we talk about tattoos and facial piercings?! Every time I have gone in there, my cashier had either a) some shitty looking jail tattoo or b)someone's name tattooed in big tacky cursive letters. Most retail businesses will not let you have any visible tattoos or piercings, but at Wal-Mart you can have BOTH!! I don't think I've ever been rung up by a girl who DIDN'T have a eyebrow piercing (which is tacky and very 2000).

I also hate the way that, aside from the Greeter at the door, NO one ever bothers to say hello or acknowledge me. It's like all the employees are just hanging out together, having personal conversations, usually yelling to someone several feet away.

When you get to the checkout, the cashiers are talking to each other and laughing. When you get in their line, they don't even say HELLO. They ring you up, finish... and stand there. THEY DON'T EVEN TELL YOU YOUR TOTAL, YOU HAVE TO LOOK AROUND FOR THE SCREEN TO SEE HOW MUCH YOU OWE! And then you pay, they hand you your receipt... and continue their conversation with the other employees. I have never been to any other store where you can be rung up with the cashier saying exactly 0 words to you. Not even Hi or Bye.

Unfortunately for me, I HAVE to go there once every two months, because they are the ONLY place around me that sells this one product I use on my face. So while I would like to never go in there again, I do have to spend about $4.50 once in awhile.

Also, the parking lot there is crazy. People drive like idiots, and you can barely even find the entrance to the store because it is blocked by fatasses who park in the fire lane so they don't have to walk all the way in. If there is seriously something wrong with you and you can't walk, then you have a handicapped sticker. Go park over there.

You can't even get out TO the parking lot when it's time to leave, because there's some FUCKING fundraiser out there EVERY TIME I GO.

None of this shit happens at my beloved Target. The store is clean, the parking lot is clean, the employees are courteous and clean.

I'm not asking for the employees to kiss my ass when I go into a store. But for Wal-Mart to not care what kind of impression their employees are making on customers (by not enforcing a dress code or positive attitudes).. why would I spend money there?

Writer's Block: They had it coming

If you could drop a character from your favorite TV show, who would you off and how would it happen?

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I would lose Jill Casey from Royal Pains.

She is such an annoying fucking character. I hate her smug, exasperated eye rolling. I hate that she flirts with Hank, and then the next time you see her, she's playing games and is all, "We shouldn't be doing this". And Hank is like, "?". I hate that we're supposed to disagree with the other people at the hospital that point out, "You always let your love life get in the way of how you run the hospital". Well, um, they're right!

Not to mention, there is no chemistry at all between her and Hank. He always just seems confused by her.

I wish they would just kill her off, or let her marry that douchey ex-husband again and leave the show.

Writer's Block: A rose by any other name

Do you like your birth name? If you had the opportunity to change it, would you? What new name would you choose?

First question listed was submitted by blackangel_life. (Follow-up questions, if any, may have been added by LiveJournal.)

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No, I hate my fucking birth name. Meryl.

We lived in North Jersey when I was born, so people could pronounce it correctly.

When we moved down to South Jersey, no one could pronounce it. It doesn't fucking rhyme with PEARL okay. It's more like MERRY Christmas.